But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
