i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
