hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
