But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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