cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
