I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
