just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
