I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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