I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
don't judge my taste in strippers
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
