I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
