Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
