I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
