Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
