my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
