I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
