it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
