sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
