Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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