Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
