How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
