Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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