apparently the secret to your success is patron
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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