Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
