I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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