Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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