when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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