I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
