You're my little dorito
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
