she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
