Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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