FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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