It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
