I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
