There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
