Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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