I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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