Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
