Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
