I hate your face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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