hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well you can't waste a boner
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
