omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
