can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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