Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
