I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
