He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
