i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
