party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
