I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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