Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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