I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
