have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
