It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
