lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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